【英語宅急便】The E. T. Conspiracy

我們學校有一大堆電子報，其中一個我比較常在看的是台大視聽教育館英語學習報，裡面有個英語宅即便的專欄，裡面通常是兩個白目的對話，對話內容是最近的時事或科技新知等等，以下是028期的內容，大家一起學英文阿。

Mulder: Agent Scully, I think there is something fishy about this new Transformers movie.

Mulder: Scully探員，我覺得變形金剛這部電影有點可疑。

Scully: Right. But Mulder, everything seems fishy to you.

Scully: 沒錯，但是啊Mulder，你什麼事都覺得可疑。

Mulder: I mean it this time. You see, it propounds a theory on how the US government covered up the crash of an alien spacecraft, which coincides perfectly with my theory of government conspiracy concerning extraterrestrial intelligence.

Mulder: 我這次是認真的，你想想看，最近提出了一個關於美國政府如何掩飾外星人太空船撞毀的的理論，這跟我那個政府將與外星智慧共謀的理論不謀而合！

Scully: Huh? You think what depicted in that movie is true?.

Scully: 哦？你是說電影裡描述的故事是真的囉？

Mulder: Of course the crashed "thing" in Transformers is not exactly a flying saucer or a spacecraft as I originally suspected. According to the movie, what descended on earth were firstly a life-creating cube and then a villainous alien robot that can transform into a super-cool jet. Sounds true enough to me.

Mulder: 當然啦，那個在變形金剛裡撞毀的“東西”並不如我預期的是個飛碟或太空船，根據這部電影，一開始湧進地球的是一個life-creating cube，接著是一堆外星機器人渾蛋，可以變成超酷的噴射機，這些對我來說就夠真實了。

Scully: True enough to nobody but you. I remember you also believing in the spacecraft in ID4, the evolving rock in Evolution, the insects and worms in MIB, and Superman from Krypton. At least, all of the above are more logical than adversarial alien robot organisms waging war or lurking on earth in the form of vehicles.

Scully: 只有對你來說夠真實，我記得你還相信ID4裡面的太空船、進化特區裡會進化成外星人的隕石、MIB裡的蟲子、甚至是氪星來的超人。至少以上這些都比敵對的外星機器生物展開大戰或用汽車的姿態潛藏在地球合理多了。

Mulder: Alright, if you are not even impressed by the dazzling sequence of a sixteen-wheeler truck turning into a massive guardian of justice, at least you would recognize one common feature among all the movies you just mentioned.

Mulder: 好吧，如果你甚至不對一連串的十六輪大卡車變成巨大的正義守護者感興趣，至少你應該承認上述你提到的電影中都有一個共同的特徵。

Scully: That they are all big-budgeted blockbuster movies for idlers in the summer?

Scully: 你是說他們都是夏天時給無所事事的傢伙打發時間的百視達熱門電影？

Mulder: (rolls his eyes, and says with deliberate patience as if talking to an idiot) No, they all agree that alien entities have descended on earth and the government somehow kept it a secret. You know it’s true. You must have heard of the Roswell Incident.

Mulder: （轉動眼珠，並且像他在跟一個白痴講話那樣一字一句的說）不，他們都同意外太空的東西曾經侵襲地球而且政府多少都會將這些事保密，你知道這是真的，你一定聽過拉茲威市事件。

Scully: The Roswell Incident, of course. Some sixty years ago a rancher found some metallic debris in Roswell, New Mexico. The nearby military base issued a report saying that they have recovered the wreckage of a flying saucer. Yet the report was almost immediately recanted, the government has since asserted that the debris was from a weather balloon designed to spy on the Soviet nuclear project. I have read the final government report, it looks pretty conclusive to me. What crashed in Roswell was a spy balloon, not UFOs.

Scully: 拉茲威市事件，我當然聽過，那是大約六十年前一個農夫在新墨西哥的拉茲威市發現一些金屬殘骸，附近的軍事基地提出了一份報告，說他們把殘骸恢復原狀後是個飛碟，但不久這份報告立刻被撤回了，政府聲稱這些殘骸是蘇聯核子計畫的間諜設計的熱氣球殘骸，我曾經讀過那份報告，我覺得沒什麼好可疑的，在拉茲威市撞毀的是間諜熱氣球，不是UFO。

Mulder: But there are many testimonies and affidavits describing more than the crash, but other shady businesses like a secret autopsy operated on an emaciated yet surviving alien.

Mulder: 但有許多證詞與宣示比這個撞擊要來的多，...（看不懂= =）。

Scully: It has been proved that many so-called witnesses' statements are merely hoaxes. Even when those testimonies are not outright lies, they are mostly inadmissible hearsays.

Scully: 現在已經證實這些所謂的目擊者，他們的陳述都僅僅是謊言，甚至就算那些證詞不全是謊言，也只市不被大家接受的謠言。

Mulder: Whatever you say. You really have to learn to think outside the box. I will go down to Roswell to see the evidences for myself.

Mulder: 隨便你怎麼說，你真應該跳脫框框來思考事情，我要去拉茲威市找我的證據。

Scully: Oh, you know the town is planning on an amusement park with an alien theme? The main feature will be a roller coaster ride that takes you on a simulated alien abduction...

Scully: 噢，你知道那裡正再籌畫一個外星人主題遊樂園嗎？其中主要的特點就是那裡會有個雲霄飛車，讓你坐上去時好像被外星人綁架一樣…

Mulder: Hah! That's it. That must be the aliens' new scheme to abduct earthlings. Scully, I am driving down to New Mexico right now, wanna come?

Mulder: 哈！那就對了，那肯定是外星人綁架地球人的最新計畫，Scully，我現在要開車去新墨西哥了，要一起嗎？

Scully: No, thanks, I pass. I am waiting to see the Harry Potter movie. Compared to your alien stories, magic seems infinitely more possible to me.

Scully: 不，謝了，我要等著看哈利波特的電影，跟你那個外星人故事比起來，魔法對我來說可信多了。

fishy (n)	【口】可疑的	propound (v)	提議
conspiracy (n)	陰謀	extraterrestrial (adj)	外星的
flying saucer (v)	飛碟	villainous (adj)	惡棍；邪惡的
adversarial (adj)	敵對的	wage (v)	進行；展開
lurk (v)	潛伏；悄悄的行動	rancher (n)	農場或牧場工人
debris (n)	殘骸，碎片	wreckage (n)	（失事後的）殘骸
recant (v)	撤回 （意見）	UFO (abbr)	unidentified flying object
affidavit (n)	宣誓書；口供書	autopsy (n)	驗屍
emaciated (adj)	憔悴的；衰弱的	inadmissible (adj)	不可接受的
hearsay (n)	傳聞	think outside the box (ph)	跳脫框框思考
amusement park (n)	遊樂園	roller coaster (n)	雲霄飛車
abduction (n)	綁架；誘拐	earthling (n)	地球人；世人