【英語宅急便】What's that nasty smell

From: 臺大視聽教育館教育館英語學習報第031期

Farthmore: Hey Heather.

Farthmore: 嗨，Heateer

Heather: What's up?

Heather: 幹麻?

Farthmore: Have you ever had the experience that you have to hold it until you're all alone by yourself? But then all of a sudden, it just pops out unexpectedly.

Farthmore: 你有那種得一直Hold住直到剩下自己一人時才能放鬆，但突然間，卻什麼都湧出來的經驗嗎？。

Heather: Hold what? I'm not following you.

Heather: Hold住什麼？我根本聽不懂你在說什麼。

Farthmore: Well, it's just that, you know, I like to eat sweet potatoes, and that often stimulates my gastrointestinal movement.

Farthmore: 呃，就說...就是說，你知道的嘛，我最愛吃地瓜了，但他總是刺激我的腸胃蠕動。

Heather: I know that. I often hear your hyperactive gastrointestinal sound, and by that I know the "ventilation" inside your tummy is on the go.

Heather: 我知道你在說什麼了，我常常聽到你的腸胃亢奮的蠕動聲，這時我就知道你的肚子裡已經準備要“漏風”了。

Farthmore: Yeah, and that ventilation really worked far too much last Friday.

Farthmore: 是阿，但上個禮拜五的那次漏風，時間卻早的超出我的想像。

Heather: Why say so? What happened? Did you turn the MRT station into a gas chamber? Or did you perform another demonstration of gas attack in your class again? HAHA!

Heather: 為什麼？發生什麼事啦？你該不會把捷運站變成毒氣室了吧？還是你又在班上展開了另一場毀滅性的瓦斯攻擊？阿哈哈！

Farthmore: No, of course not. I'm not that powerful, OK? Though that's really powerful enough to draw people's attention. And my classmates are constantly having gas masks on hand for my attack. Ha! Anyway, just kidding, talking non-sense.

Farthmore: 不是啦，當然不是，雖然已經厲害到能引起人家注意了，但我並沒有這麼厲害好嘛？而且我的同學早就隨時準備好防毒面具來防禦我的攻擊了。哈，開玩笑，我亂說的。

Heather: Ha, poor them. So, what exactly happened?

Heather: 哈，真慘，所以昨天到底發生什麼事啦？

Farthmore: I had a presentation in a morning class last Friday morning, and before the class, I had a grilled sweet potato for the brekkie. Then before the presentation began, I was bit toey. And a classmate noticed that, so she just told me "everything will be fine, I'm cool". You know just sort of soothing my nervousness.

Farthmore: 上個禮拜五早上我要在班上報告，但在上課之前我吃了烤地瓜當做早餐，然後在報告之前，我就有點不舒服了，有一位同學注意到了就告訴我說，“不會有事的，我很冷靜。”，這讓我緊張的情緒稍微平息了一點。

Heather: So let me guess. The "ventilation" happened during the presentation, so you farted in front of the whole class. HAHA.

Heather: 那讓我猜一猜，一定是你在報告時“漏風”了，所以你他媽在全班面前放了個大屁，哈哈！

Farthmore: Yeah, you got it right.

Farthmore: 賓果，你猜對了。

Heather: HAHAHA, that's really embarrassing. But at least, you did something not to let people hear the "noise", didn't you?

Heather: 哈哈哈，那真是太冏了，但至少你憋住不發出那個聲音了，沒錯吧？

Farthmore: Yeah, when I felt the gas coming, I raised my tone and volume as if I was trying to emphasize some points.

Farthmore: 是阿，當我感覺到那瓦斯湧上來時，我就提高了的音調還有嗓音，就像我要強調某個重點一樣！

Heather: But how about the smell?

Heather: 那味道怎麼辦？

Farthmore: What could I do, I couldn't seal it in my undie, could I?

Farthmore: 我還能怎麼辦，我又不能把她封在底褲裡。

Heather: Of course you couldn't. But believe me or not. I saw a news online couple days ago. A US underwear company have invented a special undie which can airtight the nasty smell.

Heather: 你當然不能把她封在底褲裡，但信不信由你，我前幾天再網路上看見一則新聞，一間美國內衣公司發明了一種特別的內褲，它可以把噁心的味道全都密封在你的內褲裡。

Farthmore: Oh, really? That's cool. Just imagine that seal the smell for the whole day, then let it out when you get home. Nah, that's nasty.

Farthmore: 哦？真的嗎？酷！你想想看把那個味道封起來一整天，然後回家把他們一次放出來，靠，真噁心！

Heather: But at least that's an option to avoid the embarrassment.

Heather: 但至少這可以避免你的冏境。

Farthmore: I think a plastic bag will suit me just fine. HAHA!

Farthmore: 我想塑膠袋會很適合我的，哈哈！（？）

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sweet potato	蕃薯，地瓜	brekkie	=breakfast
gastrointestinal	腸胃的	toey	=tired
hyperactice	亢進的，高亢的	soothe	安慰；緩和
ventilation	通風	tone	語調
tommy	肚子	volume	音量
gas chamber	毒氣室	undie	=underwear
gas mask	防毒面具	airtight	氣密
poor	可憐的	nasty	噁心的，污穢的
grilled	烤過的

all of a sudden	突然之間
pop out	突然爆出來
I'm not following you	我不懂你的意思
on the go	正在進行中
on hand	隨時準備好的
talking none-sense	亂扯一通；說廢話

延伸閱讀：
Fart-proof Pants
New Underwear Promises to Ease Pain of Passing Gas